Bismillah
Alhamdulillah, hari ni dpt iftar satu family kt rumah wpun actually alif went missing due to his work. Yela, org baru habis spm ni biar cari pengalaman kerja kannn. Bahagia yg amat berbuka dgn family ni. sobsob. boleh mngundang stres nak balik ke Kuantan esok tau takk.. even tadi pn byk stop ibu dri membeli time di bazar ramadhan. nak ditambahkn cerita, best plak bazar alor gajah ni berbanding kt dpn casper, kuantan tu.. syukurlah zati hoiii
Hari ni, recently byk sgt persoalan yg bermain di fikiran. fikir pasal requirement clinic, fikir pasal competent ke nak masuk final year. psl research yg ntah bila nk gerak. psl amir. family. future. macam2. sbb tu la overthinking kills yr moment. and even may kill yr hapiness.
Tapi seriusli. Aku mmg bingung la sekarang. even i do not know how to put these in words properly. but lets try. really want to solve this. among other things i list, rasa cm nak ckp psl relationship laa...
well, kalau korg kawan aku. at least, follow instagram ke mesti la tau kan. ak mmg in relationship dgn seorang makhluk lelaki bernama Amir. since 2008. 7.5 years together. well, its a good relationship i guess. family restu. tunggu masa nk kahwin walimahnya.. takde lagi nk bercerai berai sbb org ketiga.. LDR yg dlu Egypt-Malaysia skrg ni just KL-Kuantan. call/msg boleh kata almost everyday. kdg2 pergi jalan2/trip. fair enough. I should be lucky right? bukan nak jd manusia tak bersyukur ke apa. but im afraid because all i can see, feel are changes
yes. at the age of 24 after 7.5 years together, of coz la byk benda berubah, telah berubah dan akan berubah. tu yg buat aku runsing either perubahan tu bagus ke tak. sbb kdg2 aku rasa, ak bkn dlm relationship dgn org yg sama. sometimes, i do wonder is this the guy ive fallen in love before? is this the guy who will be the father of my children? and byk lagi random thoughts (and i have to repeat, overthinking kills yaaaa) Hm.
Aku xd la kata perubahan tu solely on him. basically, 4th year dental stdent mmg penat. klu sibuk dgn kerja lab prostho, smpai bilik pn nk mgrib. setiap hri kelas mmg mula kul 8pagi, smpai mghrib. studies semua ke laut. byk benda yg boleh la kalau nk classified aku sbgai org yg ckp tak serupa bikin. heh
dulu pantang sgt klu tdo x bgtau. tp skrg ni, ak pun kemain msg boleh terlelap.
yg kt atas ni sgt common la aku buat padahal dlu ktorg boleh gaduh pasal ni.
kdg2 tak contact pun, hilang je dua2 sibuk dgn hal masing2..
dh xde sambut ulangbulan sejak setahun yg lepas..
tapi byk2 perubahan yg aku risaukan (kot). perubahan sbb usia. ktorg start kenal time form 4. time tu kn byk benda x explore lagi. budak2 lagi la katakan.. tp skrg dh 24 tahun. mcm2 benda nk buat. kdg2 benda yg nak buat tu maybe partner kita xsuka, tp kita tetap nak buat jgak kan. sbb kita curious, sbb kita nak juga buat. sbb individual will. not being dictated or request by someone eventho org tu penting.
ha, haircut baru diaa
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| bukanlah tak suka. okay je. tp rasa lain u know |
tp kita rindu yg ni..
mungkin usia cmni, memberontak rasa nk pergi travel.. mcm aku. teringin sgt nk visit angkor wat, candi2, pergi yogyakarta ke.. tp partner xnk. dia xminat benda cmtu. cm konflik sikit la.. 'sikit' je..
even pilihan top aku ialah pilihan last dia and vice versa.
arghh tak reti la nk cerita macam mana.
nk conclude kan macam perbezaan tu makin ketara. kadang menyesakkan dada. lalu mucul ragu dan was.
tp takkan lah nk give up after all these years. lagipun its not really a problem. (maybe)
tu yg pening tu. patut ke aku just biarkan je perubahan ni dan adapt?
atau buat something.
atau apa?
ni kes apa ni eh? kes kecelaruan perasaan ke? kes sebab bercinta ama sgt ke mcm ne ntah? haihhh
motip taip blog ni bukan sbb nk putus ke apa. ntah ntahhhhhhh
*rasa mcm first time tulis blog, tp tak rasa better afterwards*
Salam Ramadhan semuaaa
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